Jane Rizzoli Finds Herself
by The Shooter
Summary: The aftermath of Jane and Maura. Can they move forward? Read and find out! Maybe there's some RIZZLES ... and maybe ... well, just please read! COMPLETE -for now. Could be more to it, depends on you, the readers!


Hello! I'm back again with another little one shot. I'm still working on Wanted: The Series. This is not connected to that story in any way, shape or form. I hope you enjoy this one – I had this little plot bunny kicking around. Please read and I would seriously appreciate reviews! See Author's Note at the end of the story! Thanks!

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine – they belong to Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro, TNT and what the heck … let's throw new showrunner Jan Nash in there too – she has more rights to them than I do! I'm just borrowing the characters for some fun!

Jane Rizzoli Finds Herself

Detective Jane Rizzoli sighed as she tossed her pen to the desk and looked at her watch. It was almost to leave for her ex-girlfriend's birthday shindig at The Dirty Robber. The invitation had been received two months ago for the party and originally, Jane decided to go because she didn't feel right not attending. However, she felt much differently than she did two months ago. She was on a mission tonight.

Jane and Chief Medical Examiner Maura Isles had been together for two years before their relationship had imploded. If you asked Maura, it was a mutual disintegration – she would rather take half the blame and protect Jane. If you asked Jane, she was completely at fault. And not one day went by without her thinking about it in some way. She remembered the night they decided to end things.

"_Jane, we need to talk," Maura said, gently touching the detective's shoulder. _

"_What, Maur?"_

"_Do you still feel the same way you once did? About me, I mean."_

_Jane hadn't answered immediately. She had caught herself thinking about being single again, though for no real good reason. _

"_What would make you ask me that, Maura?"_

_The ME was studying the brunette's facial expressions. "It's just something I've felt from you. Things don't feel the same as they once did. For me either."_

_Jane took Maura's hand and kissed it. "God. I … Maura. I don't know what to say. Lately, I'm just …. I'm just not happy. I don't know what it is, really. I love you. You know that, right? I'm always going to love you. I just don't think I'm relationship material. You deserve better."_

"_I love you too, Jane. I guess I've known this was coming. But I have to disagree with you. You are relationship material. You're such a sweet, kind and caring lover and partner. Did I do something to make you unhappy?"_

_Jane's heart broke in her chest when the doctor asked her that. _

"_No. Maura, no. It's NOT you. It has NOTHING to do with you. It's me. I've never been good at it. I destroy them and fuck them up. I want you to be able to find someone who will be the lover and partner you deserve."_

_Tears were running down both of their faces at this point. _

"_I thought I had."_

_Jane hung her head, shamefully, before pulling Maura into her embrace. _

"_I'm an idiot. Maura you're absolutely fucking perfect. I wish I knew what the fuck was wrong with me. And by the way, you … YOU are an amazing woman, partner, lover and friend. You put everyone before yourself – and I don't. I'm a selfish bitch."_

_Maura hugged her hard. "Is this … are we … breaking up?"_

_Jane pulled back and looked at her with soft, teary eyes. Maura knew that expression and she didn't need Jane to verbally answer her question. Maura swallowed hard and nodded. Jane kissed her hard and passionately, trying to convey just how much she did love her. Maura responded for a few seconds before pushing back from the detective._

"_I don't know how my heart will get over you, Jane. I hope you find happiness and realize how special you are. I've always known it. I've had the most wonderful woman in the world love me," Maura said, gently kissing Jane before grabbing her purse and heading to the door._

_She looked back one more time. "I'll see you Monday at work, Jane. I don't want our working relationship to suffer as a result of this. We always said we'd always be friends no matter what. I hope you still feel that way."_

"_God, Maura, of course I do. I love you."_

_Maura smiled a sad smile and walked out the door._

Jane slid down the wall to the floor and had never cried so hard in her entire life.

What Maura didn't know is that after that night, Jane went to therapy. When she woke up the next morning, she had a hard time living with herself knowing she let the best thing that ever happened to her walk away.

They had managed to maintain a cordial working relationship but didn't see much of each other outside of work. The close friendship, which served as the basis for the advancement to lovers, was a casualty of the implosion. Rizzoli family dinners at Maura's were a thing of the past, even though the gracious honey blonde was adamant they could continue. No one felt right imposing on Maura after the breakup. Jane's mother, Angela, had soon moved in with her boyfriend Sean Cavanaugh and out of Maura's guest house.

She'd made a lot of progress in the last five months. She needed to work on being the best she could for herself before she was able to be that for someone else. But now, she felt more ready. She also had come to the realization that there was no 'someone else' for her – she wanted Maura.

Turning off her computer, she took the card and neatly-wrapped box out of her desk drawer and headed over to The Dirty Robber.

R&IR&IR&I

When Jane walked into the bar, she could see the party was just starting to get into swing. Her brothers, Tommy and Frankie, were already there as were her mother and Sean. She recognized some of the lab technicians as well. She knew her partners Barry Frost and Vince Korsak would be here shortly. She spotted Maura. The honey blonde was holding a glass of wine and chatting to … another beautiful woman. Jane would normally walk up, assert herself and plant one on Maura to discourage anyone hitting on her. But she had no right to do that … yet.

She caught Maura's eye and walked over slowly.

"Hi, Maur. Happy Birthday," Jane said, softly, as she leaned in and kissed her cheek gently. That was the most physical contact they'd had in the last five months. Maura smiled warmly.

"Jane! Hi, I was just getting my wine and talking to…." Maura started but the moment Jane has walked in, she had forgotten the woman's name.

"Audrey," the brunette supplied, sipping her beer.

"Hi, I'm Jane Rizzoli."

She turned to Maura. "And it's your birthday, why are you up here getting wine? You should be holding court at your birthday table!"

Maura smiled bashfully. "It's just another day, Jane. But thank you. I'm so glad you were able to come."

"I wouldn't miss it, Maur."

"Well, I'll let you get back to your party. Happy Birthday, Maura. You have my number. Give me a call if you'd like to have dinner."

Maura smiled. "Thank you, Audrey."

The brunette smiled and turned away, feeling Jane's cold stare on her back.

"So, you got some digits tonight?"

"Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I doubt I'll even call."

Jane had to restrain herself from pumping her fist happily.

"Shall we go to the table? I call dibs on the seat next to you," Jane said, smiling.

R&IR&IR&I

They sat for a few hours, everyone telling stories and sharing fond memories. Sometime during the telling of said stories, Jane's arm slipped around Maura's shoulder and they sat like that, as everyone rotated bringing drinks. Jane stopped herself at 3 beers, knowing she would need to drive an already-tipsy birthday girl home.

"Man, it's been a long time since we closed this place down on a Friday night," Frost said, observing that Murray was starting to sweep up and that they were the last ones in the place.

Everyone split the bill evenly, save for the birthday girl, who tried to pay the entire bill. No one would let her contribute one cent.

"Everyone, I want to thank you so much for coming out tonight to celebrate with me. It means so much to me that you were here," Maura said, her gaze falling to Jane as she spoke the last words.

They all kissed and hugged Maura and she thanked everyone for the gifts she hadn't yet opened.

Tommy took the guys home, Sean was taking Angela and the lab techs were getting themselves a cab. That left Maura and Jane outside the bar.

"I guess I'll flag down a cab," Maura said, giggling.

"You'll do no such thing. I'll take you home. I'm fine, Maur."

"I'd like that."

They drove in companionable silence to Maura's and Jane got out to make sure she got inside okay.

"You drank an awful lot, Maur. I'm going to get some water for your bedside and some aspirin, okay?"

"Okay, baby," Maura muttered as she clumsily got undressed.

Jane froze for a second. She watched the blonde fumbling around and couldn't help herself.

"Maur, here, let me help," Jane said, laughing. She helped Maura change and guided the blonde to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Once she had Maura settled, she went and brought water and aspirin.

"Will you stay, Jane? I know it's asking a lot but, please? For tonight?"

Jane couldn't turn down her request even if she wanted to – and she didn't.

"Yeah, honey, I'll stay. Let me just go make sure everything is locked up, okay? I'll be back in a minute."

Jane checked all the windows and doors and set the alarm and made her way back upstairs, expecting Maura to already be sound asleep. She was surprised to find the honey blonde waiting.

"There are still a few of your shirts in the top drawer and I think a pair of shorts too," Maura said, softly.

Jane changed her clothes and got settled into the bed.

"Thank you, Jane, for everything tonight. I … I wasn't sure you would come."

Jane turned to Maura. "Maur, I told you. I wouldn't miss it. Look, I know things have been, well, not good between us for the last five months. But I'd like to change that, okay?"

Maura smiled and moved close to Jane, who put her arm around Maura and kissed the side of her head.

"Goodnight, birthday girl."

A small giggle. "Goodnight, Jane."

R&IR&IR&I

Maura woke up as sunlight streamed into the room. Two strong arms were wrapped tightly around her as she felt light breaths on her neck. This was the way she wanted to wake up for the rest of her life. It hurt like hell to know this was probably a one-shot deal. She also knew she couldn't let herself enjoy this because it would hurt to let go. She gently moved Jane's arms and sat on the edge of the bed.

As she stretched, she heard Jane slowly awaken behind her.

"Mornin' Maur," Jane rasped.

"Good morning. Thank you for last night."

Jane smiled, remember how nice it felt to hold Maura close all night. "You're welcome. Actually, no – I mean, it was my pleasure."

Maura turned to face her and smiled. "I'd get drunk more often if it meant you'd be in bed with me." She turned away as she started to sob.

Jane was immediately at her side, pulling her close.

"Oh, Maura. No. No, please don't cry."

Maura pushed away roughly and stood up.

"We blew it, Jane. We swore we would remain friends IF anything went wrong with our romantic relationship. I lost you as my soul mate and as my best friend! Do you have any idea how many nights I spent laying here and crying? Wondering what I did that was so wrong that you had to leave me?"

Jane couldn't stop the tears that started falling.

"YOU. DON'T. GET. TO. CRY," Maura shouted as she poked Jane in the chest. "YOU WANTED THIS!"

"GOD DAMNIT, MAURA! STOP. I CRIED TOO. I STILL CRY!" Jane screamed, getting up from the bed and pacing around the room.

The ME stopped her motions and just looked at the brunette. "What?"

Jane swiped at her eyes. "I cry too, Maura. It hasn't been easy for me, either."

"Why then? Why did you break up with me?"

"Please stop saying that."

"It's true, Jane. You're the one …" but she was cut off when Jane screamed.

"I KNOW I FUCKED UP, MAURA. I KNOW IT AND IT HURTS ME EVERY FUCKING DAY!"

There was silence. Jane sat down on the edge of the bed, sobbing. Maura put her head down and leaned against the wall. All of a sudden, Jane got up, huffing past Maura and went downstairs to retrieve the card and gift she had gotten for the ME. Coming back up within thirty seconds, Jane thrust the card and gift into Maura's hands.

"Please read this. Please," Jane said.

Maura watched as the brunette sat down and started to rub the scars on her palms, a sure sign she was nervous. Maura placed the box on the dresser and opened the card.

_Dear Maura,_

_There's something I need you to know. I know when things went sour between us (which, I know, was entirely my fault) I let you down. I needed to figure out a lot of things for myself and I didn't want you to have to endure being around me while I did. The important part here is this, I did figure them out. _

_The day after we broke up, I started seeing a therapist. I know I've always been resistant to seeing one, thinking I was perfect and didn't need a shrink. But the night I watched you walk out my door, because I pushed you away, I needed to know what the hell was wrong with me and how and why I could let you go. _

_I'm in twice a week sessions and, well, I feel like a brand-new person. I've discovered a lot of things about myself and understand why I did what I did. And why I was so wrong. I couldn't believe someone, especially someone as beautiful, kind and perfect as you, would ever love me. I was Jane 'Badass' Rizzoli who thought she wasn't capable of being loved and worse yet, didn't NEED love. But I was very wrong. I do need love, Maura. I need YOUR love. _

_Please give me a chance to be the woman, partner and friend that you deserve. I know I wasn't any of those things before, but I've changed, Maur. I'd kept a part of me hidden for so long but this therapy has helped me to be able to let it out and to offer you something I've never offered anyone in my entire life – my heart. _

_I love you, Maura Isles, and I just pray that I'm not too late. There will never, ever be another person in this world for me – there's only you. THERE'S ONLY YOU. _

_Love, Jane_

_P.S. – Please open the box._

Tears were streaming down Maura's face as she looked to Jane, who was watching her expectantly. The honey blonde wiped her eyes and gingerly put the card on her dresser. Picking up the box, she walked to the bed and sat next to Jane.

"Don't say anything, Maura, please, just open the box."

The ME did as Jane asked and her eyes widened at the diamond heart pendant that sat glistening in the box. She took in a breath as she gasped. "Oh, Jane."

With slightly shaking hands, the detective took the necklace out of the box and whispered with a rasp, "Maura, will you please wear my heart? Will you give me another chance?"

Maura's eyes lit up and through her tears, she nodded her head yes and Jane carefully secured the necklace. Jane looked at the piece of jewelry adorning the person who meant the most in this world to her.

"Jane, I … thank you," Maura said, hugging her tightly.

"It was never you, baby. It was me. It was always me. I'm so sorry for all the shit I put you through – for hurting you, for everything. I'm sorry baby," she whispered, returning the embrace.

"I love you, too, Jane, so much. And I'm so proud of you. I know that what you've done hasn't been easy for you. But to know you did it for me, oh Jane. It's the most wonderful thing anyone's ever done for me."

Jane pulled back and stared into shining hazel eyes. She slowly leaned in and kissed Maura gently. Maura pulled Jane closer and guided them so they were lying on the bed as the kiss continued.

"I've missed you so much, Jane. Your kiss, your touch, you … I've just missed you," Maura whispered, gently tracing Jane's lips with her fingertip.

"I've missed you too. We don't have to miss each other anymore, ever again. I love you so much. There's just one thing."

Maura's brow furrowed and Jane could see the tinge of worry.

"No, no, babe. It's nothing bad. It's just I want to take it slow and date you and treat you like you deserve to be treated. I want you so much but I want you to see that I am deserving of you."

"Jane Clementine Rizzoli, I know you are deserving of me, you don't need to prove that."

"The middle name? Really?!" Jane said, smiling, as she playfully nipped at Maura's lips. She turned serious again.

"I do, though, Maura. I want to prove it to you. I'd like to start tonight by taking you out for a romantic birthday dinner. Is that okay with you?"

Maura smiled and hugged the brunette tightly, squealing. "Yes! Yes, that's perfect. I love you!"

"I love you, too."

The end … or is it? ? I would LOVE to hear your reviews and some thoughts as to whether or not this should stay a one-shot or be continued, at least in another installment to see the progress of the relationship? Also, I had written an alternate type of ending to the story … one that's not as sweet … if there's interest I could be convinced to post it. Thank you so much!


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